


memory is but a magnifying glass

by andrassysribcage



Category: NaPolA | Before the Fall (2004)
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M, Suicide Attempt, im literally just posting this to have something posted, im so sorry, in the last ch.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2616935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrassysribcage/pseuds/andrassysribcage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memory is but a foggy magnifying glass, letting the insignificant details take over the whole picture.</p><p>((random-ass albrecht/friedrich drabbles i wrote last year. read this if you like unfinished things))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. feather-light

**Author's Note:**

> chapter summary: Friedrich was perfect, Albrecht was in love, the times weren't in their favour. It was easier to think of it like that, in the end.

Their first kiss was chaste, a light brush of lips, a hand timidly caressing the back of his neck, and if it weren't for all the events that lead up to it, Albrecht would almost pin it as unintentional. He felt as if his beloved got too close and accidentally tipped forwards, touching his lips. Still, it was more than he had ever hoped for, and he tried to enjoy it as much as possible through the nervous haze clouding his mind. He felt his heart beat faster and blood rush to his cheeks and God, where to put his hands, feet, head, mouth, everything? He pondered about pressing harder, pushing forward, perhaps licking his lips- wasn't that what they did in the books?- and he was scared it’d be over before it even began-

And then Friedrich laughed.

Just like that, he laughed, with their mouths still against one another, and Albrecht could feel the smile on his lips. He pulled away, evidently confused, and Friedrich was still smiling that irresistible smile of his, looking up at him expectantly. Was there a next step to a kiss that he wasn't aware of? What the hell is he supposed to do now? Oh God, he surely messed something up. No doubt about it.

„What happened?“ Albrecht whispered, and perhaps if Friedrich didn't hear him all would go back to normal, and he wouldn't have worry about being a failure. Friedrich could easily ignore him.

„Nothing, nothing,“ he replied, shaking his head. „I’m happy.“

He was absolutely gorgeous. His hair shone in the sunlight, his smile was bright, his eyes as lively as ever, and Albrecht was, admittedly, a little jealous. Just a little. Silent, burning admiration mixed with love and slight bitterness- Friedrich continued being everything he ever aspired to be, and quite effortlessly at that. To make it clear, Albrecht still adored him more than life itself- it’s just that life itself wasn't very fair most of the time.

„You’re happy?“

Friedrich hummed in agreement, looking at him with that star-struck expression on his face, and all Albrecht could do was swallow and smile back, nodding. That was a good thing, wasn't it? Friedrich’s hand gently touched his cheek and he felt the weight of everything they couldn't have burden his shoulders and he tried to bite his tears back, not wanting to ruin the rare moment of pleasant intimacy they allowed themselves.

„Then I am happy too,“ he said, letting Friedrich brush his bottom lip with his thumb. And he really, genuinely was, though he’d certainly be much happier if he didn't have to keep it all a secret. Still, such were the times, and he tried to be content with what he had. 


	2. bejewled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America gave him an opportunity to start anew and he took it with open arms, bringing only a suitcase and the love of his life along. Honestly, he was doing pretty well, all things considered.

Albrecht wakes up to rays of pleasantly warm sunshine in his face and a hand stroking his cheek, gently, almost as if it isn't there at all, its owner careful not to disturb him. He wonders whether he should finally open his heavy eyes or just lie there, breathing slowly, not wanting to ruin the idyll of a golden-hued Sunday morning. This, he thinks as the soft caresses come to a stop, is what pure happiness feels like. He hears the noise of traffic outside and the rustling of bedsheets, white fabrics whispering tales of last night to each other. The hand on his cheek was gone- and far sooner than he’d wanted to- forcing him to pry his eyes open, just to close them shortly after. Eventually he manages to open them, and the whole world was just a blur of beige, white and yellow; everything doused in fictional precious stones and covered with metaphorical gold. His eyes finally focused after a few tries of blinking the gems in his vision away and he was firmly back on Earth, in the only place where he’d ever like to be. And he decided to fully use it, taking in the sight before him- the glassy but satisfied eyes; the short, messy blonde hair; the gorgeous smile that made his stomach do somersaults, equally as irresistible at 8 am as it was at all other times, in the past and present, the future and all in between. Friedrich was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, and all that without an ounce of exaggeration.

He wanted to shift closer to him but couldn't be bothered to, instead opting for a small smile and an exhale of breath, meant to be laughter, the real sort of which his voice was too tired to actually attempt. And Friedrich was smiling too, for quite a while now, and Albrecht wasn't sure what magnificent good he’d done to the world to deserve this man. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, just to take in the very feeling once again, but found it incredibly hard to open them, as if something was weighing his eyelids down, keeping them together. Everything was a blur once more when he finally opened them, moving shapes that he couldn't quite make out, and he wanted to reach out for Friedrich and hold his hand, just for the sake of knowing he’s here. And, as if Friedrich knew what the other wanted, he raised his hand and brushed a stray strand of brown hair from Albrecht’s face, earning a giggle from him. “Mornin’,” Friedrich whispered, running his hand through Albrecht’s hair and then finally settling for the nape of his neck. “Morning,” Albrecht tried to respond, but it didn't go as planned, his voice still raspy from sleep and his brain still catching up on reality. An even wider smile graced Friedrich’s face and he leaned in to kiss him, and Albrecht couldn't help but wonder whether this was heaven. But when he brushes his left leg against his right he can feel the strange texture of the scar there, he knows there are scratches all over his body, white streaks on his stomach and arms, places where shrapnel has lodged itself in his skin back then. He didn't like to think about it. If this were truly heaven, he wouldn't have to. But as Friedrich’s lips met his, he had to conclude that this is the closest he’ll ever get, and that was more than good enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also from last year. AU in which both miraculously survive the war and move to america or some shit??? I DONT KNOW dont look at me  
> also this was written at 3 am and left unedited. bet u noticed.


	3. restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still wonders if it was all worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING WARNING mentions of suicide!! this is short and. yeah. good luck.

Friedrich kisses him like retribution, and he drinks the whole cup, tastes the salvation from his gold-adorned pitcher. He didn't know he’d live, he didn't want to, and Friedrich just reminded him of all the reasons why he tried and why he stayed; He lets him.   
He lets him shout and seethe, throw all items from the desk on the floor. He lets him cry on his shoulder and cry as away from him as possible, he lets him embrace him and lets him avoid him. He understands. And when Friedrich's tears wet his cheek he wants to repent for his sins, wants to be forgiven, wants  _Friedrich_  to forgive him. He doesn't, can’t, not yet, not now that there’s so many things that could have happened, rising to his throat and suffocating him, now that he’s here, but not quite, now-

Albrecht wanted to die. He saw no other way out because there  _was_  no other way out.  
But now that he’s here after all, now that he’s got something to come back to, he wants to pretend, for at least one moment, that everything’s alright. Before the next sermon begins. Before Friedrich spits venom at him again. He understands. It’s pure grief, what it is. And it’s his fault. He’d never forgive himself, not as long as he lives, but he has to, for Friedrich- For Friedrich.   
When they kiss again, Friedrich isn't crying anymore. He pulls Albrecht closer and he’s still shivering too, trying to recover from the shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE WE GO this is the last of the "last year at 3 am" drabbles, and hereby i name this work complete. however, if i do write any other drabbles, they'll be added here!

**Author's Note:**

> this was from last year and it started nice and then i sads. also its rly shitty bc its old lol. and short. Forgive Me. THANK YOU for reading though!!!


End file.
